Struggling

In the last week I have been struggling on more than one level. I am struggling as a teacher, as a mother and as a wife.

At work I have a child who is particularly aggressive and best described as a bully. Today the bully was in trouble five times at the zoo and I caught this child taunting my new Autistic child and I lost it. I really laid into the child and told them that they were the meanest kid I had ever met. I regretted it immediately and know it was VERY unprofessional. However I can't say that it isn't true. Sad.

As a wife I feel that I am not being what I want to be. I want to have meals planned. I want to have a tidy, fashionable house. I want to be so many things that I am not. Every evening I come home and it is all I can do to just stay awake. I can't make a meal and be pleasant to my husband and do all the laundry and cleaning without being a little resentful that he isn't helping, even though the majority of the cooking and cleaning is done by him. I just don't know how to snap out of it.

Having a child was the biggest dream come true of my life. And Emily has always been the light of my life. I couldn't imagine loving someone more than I love her. However I am struggling as a parent and I am not sure what to do to get 'my' girl back. Emily has been very sassy and not listening and throwing little hissy fits again when she doesn't get what she wants. She had five time outs on Sunday for just being downright naughty. Tonight (possibly as a result of stress caused by above mentioned child) I put soap in Emily's mouth for screaming during a fit. She didn't like it and I feel a little bit bad for doing it. I just don't know what to do to get through to her that she is not behaving in an appropriate manner. So, here comes them guilt of motherhood.

My dream is that tomorrow I wake up and I am the mother, wife, and teacher I dream of being; and know I can be!